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How to get your Bird
Or Dating Tips from Bill - Yes, Bill McCaslin is finally back with a whole new raft of stories to tell.
First you have to have the right attitude. You must be bold, a bit cocky and absolutely confident. Pick out the DDG (drop dead gorgeous) one in the crowd. She probably hasn't had a real date in months because all the guys are afraid to approach her. Walk up and say something unusual, like, "Hai, let's dance, my name is Robert, you can tell me about yourself." Dancing ask, "Do you Tango?" Proceed to ask for a Tango rhythm and teach her some basic moves. Say this only once when in embrace; "Older guys know how." Then let it pass. Continue to dance. Girls love to dance. She is confused. Maybe you don't look older, maybe so, but she is a woman and curiosity killed the kitty-cat. As she asks questions, and she will, be somewhat evasive and mysterious. Don't read her your autobiography.
After a couple of dances, in a close hold say, "You smell nice." Never use the word hot! She is expecting a come-along but instead she gets a little compliment. Then and only then say, "Would you like to buy me a drink?" Her female brain is buzzing saying stuff like, 'he has a nice smile, he has style, what is he about, why didn't he ask me for some like all the other guys?" (deadheads.) Then if she is wearing glasses shock her and ask, "Can you really see through those?" or if not, and she's wearing cute shoes ask, "why do women buy cute shoes that hurt and go with men who do the same?" You now have her curiosity level up to Reactor Overload! Be funny, then serious, then silly, LISTEN TO HER !!! then compliment her hair in passing, Just the words "nice hair." nothing more.
By now she's either figured you are unusual and therefore interesting or you should be locked up in a padded cell. She bought the first round of drinks, OK? But, there is always a BUTT, curiosity killed the kitty-cat. After that you go over to the Barkeeper and give him the wink and a nod and say, "Two Long Island Tea, make mine a lite one." Slip him a Pound or so. He'll make sure she gets the killer brain solvent and you get iced tea. OMGolly Wow, they taste the same. You can ask for him to give her the tea. Then start to drink yours and wait ten mins, Then sample hers and say, "wait a min or three.' go to the Barkeep, have him pour it all out and bring up another mix. Personally taste each glass so she can see. Then say, "I am sorry dear, but you were being cheated." You just proved what you told her when you were dancing, "Older guys know how." But her kitty-mind is wondering, 'what do older guys really know?' Now she knows you have control, you made the Barkeeper back down and she didn't see you slip him the other fiver. You drink the Ice Tea and she drinks the 50%. Frankly after she's had a sip or two and asks to taste yours, she won't be able to tell the difference. Tell her to take a good slug of hers so she will have the taste in her mouth, now taste mine. Then hold your glass for her to drink from. Be the gentleman. Have a good time and listen to the band. Signal the Barkeeper for some salted nuts or popcorn. She will get thirsty. She thinks she doesn't know who you are but you're interesting. Hey, it's KEWL we're drinking Ice Tea in this nice bar and hanging out listening to music. Or as is said, One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, Floor, Five Tequila, Six Tequila, Seven Tequila, Mate. She will want to go home alone or with you. If she says I want to go to my house, call a Taxi and tell her, I am afraid for your safety, you are coming with me. I have a nice couch. Make sure she sees you let down the couch or prepare your daybed. Show her to your bed, with the nice fresh sheets, feather pillows and nice antique comforter. ( yes, give it to her and then take it away) Then say, you need some pajamas, give them to her, say, "Go brush your teeth." Hand her a New In The Box toothbrush. She will think '...he really cares!' Then say, "Come lay down and get comfy, wrap up dear. I'll stay awhile until I know you are all-right." I've killed more brain cells than I was born with but that seems the way to me.
The primary game plan is this, you're a bad boy but you're nice too. She can't figure that out just yet but you're different and therefore interesting. Make sure you aren't totally bad, totally good or get thrown into the category of friend. Being a friend means certain death! You'll never get where you want being her friend.
I do not think this site is ready to publish Chapter Two.
Bill McCaslin
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